It’s 5am and I’m in bed with my girl after drinks at a friends’ place.
She’s fallen straight asleep in my arms- she’s snoring very softly and it’s such a deep sleep that she didn’t even twitch, stir or move a muscle when I lifted her legs up off of mine very awkwardly (I tried to do it smooth and gently but failed)…
So, I’m laying here, and gosh, this woman… She has all of me. I adore her. She’s everything anyone could wish for and I’m so lucky to have her. It may seem weird to say, but… when I’m with her, I don’t think ‘I have a girlfriend, she’s a woman, I’m a lesbian’ - Clearly I am, I know, and I love it, but it’s just so natural to me that I sometimes forget that others see it as a big, bad thing. How could this be wrong? How can others not see? How can others hate what makes me me, and the woman who fills in the missing piece of myself?
She’s my copilot, my sidekick, my companion, my other half; my better half. To do things alongside her is to do things as they should be done. She completes me. I can be around her 24/7 without needing (or even wanting) a break, and there’s nobody else on earth I have ever been able to say that about. I wish that I had the power to change our circumstances this very second; to take away the distance that separates us physically for far too long, to enable us to start our married life together. To prevent the heartbreak that our airport goodbyes inevitably cause us, because I know that’s approaching too fast. To leave her will break my heart, and to watch me go will break hers. We will cry and crave and hurt and feel lost. It’s the worst part; the only bad part; the thing I hate the most. My job is to protect this beautiful person from heartbreak and pain in any way I can, yet so frustratingly, I can’t wave a magic wand and stay forever or take her with me right now. It hurts me to hurt her when I have to go, and vice versa… but we do it because we know it’s worth it, and these times are stepping stones to our goal. The good so vastly outweighs the bad that we know that it’s ok, we’ll get there, together. A couple of months and she’ll be coming to stay with me for much longer, and then we’ll start the process of even more permanent solutions. Patience will pay.
And well, gosh, now she’s grinding her teeth and rubbing her face… I think that’s my queue to stop writing. My princess is beside me in a wildly deep sleep, and I’m going to join her, in love with the reality of falling asleep with my soulmate in my arms, and waking beside her however many hours from now.
It’s the small things that we love so much… These little things that join together to create such incomparable, pure, natural, raw happiness.
Post-sex naked cuddles with a beautiful lady? Yes, yes, yes.
Closed Eyelids: Thankfulness
Tip of nose: Good luck
Cheek: Happy to see you
Earlobe/Neck: “I want you” , Lust, Desire
Top of hand: Respect, loyalty
Computer screen: I love you but I can’t ever have you (because you’re not real)